Hidden in the backseat of my mind

car-731273_1920You’ve been rolling around on the backseat of my mind and over time you got wedged down a seat, lost for the time being. I kept journeying in my car, singing new tunes, frantically wiping my misted glasses so I could see clearly the new view around me. A new view that was appreciated more than you will ever realise, new surroundings for my senses to get lost in – and for a short space in time, in the blink of an eye you were gone. Colours slowly returned – the shade of my red lipstick had grown deeper, the scent of my favourite perfume stronger. I lost you in my new surroundings, you faded into the backseat of my mind, still there, but wedged tightly between the seats of new beginnings.

Occasionally I’d put my hand between the seats, I’d find you there, safely locked into place, wedged in the backseat of my mind. I used to worry that I’d lose you, that one day you’d be gone forever.  My treasure, lost in a backseat of memories. But I soon realised that you were safe, in the backseat of my mind, snug between the seats and I could go and fetch you whenever I needed to feel your presence.

I could retrieve the memories of you from the backseat of my mind when my heart was breaking in two – I could imagine what you would say – how you would wipe those tears tenderly and how you would reassure me, when my strength was hiding, how you would gently probe me to learn more about me, how you would encourage me to become the best version of me, with my glossy red lips and delicate heels as I would strut confidently into the next situation. I could retrieve you from the backseat of my mind in moments of joy, hoping you would smile with me, gaining strength from the faith you once had in my abilities.

I could retrieve the love of the loved from the backseat of my mind, I could realise my dreams and I could live them, with you whispering words of encouragement from the backseat of my mind.

And one day I would bravely step out of my car, leaving you in the backseat of my mind, I could take your lessons and the love of the loved and I would strut out into the world alone, knowing that once upon a time I had the love of the loved – and that alone is enough.

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