My love was free flowing, like a rapid fall, there was no ending to it that I could foresee. I only knew that I loved you, with every beat of my worn heart.
I hoped that one day the love would be reciprocated, that it wouldn’t be words, or spoken in bills paid at the end of dinners in restaurants, but in you taking my hand, and showing the world that we were together.
I hoped that my toothbrush would remain in the toothbrush holder in-between my sleepovers and it wouldn’t see the inside of your bathroom cabinet again. I hoped that we would make plans on a Monday for the following weekend, that I wouldn’t be a last minute gap filler in your busy life.
I hoped that we’d go to a festival together and drink days and nights away together with friends, caked in mud, and id fall asleep in a condensation sodden tent, curled up next to you with my Hunters still on.
I hoped that we’d plan to travel together, that over a bottle or two of ‘tage we’d plan our trip and you’d teach me how to survive without straighteners and makeup. I hoped to see the corners of the world with you, my best friend, the bits you were yet to discover, creating new memories together.
I hoped that you’d continue to encourage me and teach me everything you knew about going it alone and starting my own business. I hoped that one day you’d look at me, gaining my first contract and that you’d say “that’s my girl”.
I hoped that you’d let me show you how to transform your garden in your beautiful house, that you’d let me teach you something. I hoped that we’d cook together for our friends and family, and entertain the people that we cared about the most.
I am bravely admitting that I hoped that one day we wouldn’t have to say goodbye, but only goodnight, that everyday i’d wake up with you behind me, hot and clammy, and the holes in my face there, every god damned day, but most of all that you wanted me there.
I hoped that I’d be able to run a bath for you, have your favourite film paused and a luscious meal ready for you when you got home, and that you’d be looking forward to coming home to me.
I just hoped that one day we could be together, take care of each other and be a normal couple in love.
But now … I’m just left with the one last hope that you will be happy, without me, wherever you are.
I hope that we both find what we could have had.