It felt like magic, not all of it, but there were parts that I know will be etched on my heart and in my memory forevermore. Like a watermark, feint in the background of life, running across each line and syllable of my story. A constant reminder of love that you couldn’t quite touch, of a favourite place that was never yours and yours alone.
Some people change you. It’s as simple as that. Occasionally another human will collide with you and your world. Quickly it becomes clear why it never worked with someone else. They make a lasting impression on you. You see things differently. Everything’s a different shade. Sometimes that just isn’t enough though, the saddest thing.
Sometimes you realise that ‘home’ has a heartbeat. I’m afraid that we shall be one of the couples that miss each other their entire life. We’ll individually be sat telling our children and maybe even grandchildren about the special person that we let get away, “a long time ago”, “way before you were born”.
The aching in your heart, does it ever go away.
I stopped us. I stopped before you hurt me in a way that would never allow me to recal stargazing nights and pickyuppikisses. The moments where my heart beat so fast, the moment that I literally cried with joy. I didn’t want you to undo those special moments, I didn’t want to allow our desperation to replace those memories with hurt, anger or resentment.
For now you just visit in my dreams. The dreams that are filled with my hand in your pocket, our fingers entwined. Dreams filled with the nights by candlelight sitting under a blanket of stars. Dreams filled with waking to feel your body, hot and clammy pressed into mine. Dreams where I can almost taste your lips … Those magically vivid dreams that I absolutely hate to wake from.