Laying listening to a song that filled the air on many a drunken evening, many summers ago – The Cure and The Cause, thinking that the lyrics couldn’t be more apt.
So what do you do when someone is both the cure and the cause of your blues?
You do fall deep, and their touch is like honey on your skin. It consumes you, you get caught up and swept up in them.
They needed you as much as you needed them. You become addicted to the push and pull and the constant begging to stay and to not take the love away.
Their grief and pain becomes yours, and yours theirs. They are the only place where safety and warmth are felt, and their arms feel like the cure to every pain you have ever endured.
But their constant pushing and pulling is also the cause of deep pain and hurt. But still you feel like they are the only cure.
Is this love? When you scrape it all away, aren’t the people we cherish always the cure for and the cause of our deepest pain and grief? Is it that it’s toxic or is it love felt so deeply that you become tangled and intertwined with both the pleasure and pain of the other person?
For me there is nothing more hurtful than to have your love and the things you have shared with someone regarded as toxic. Especially when you have only ever tried to love someone and put them first.
But I’ll go with The Cure and The Cause, that I can take. It’s more palletable.