A letter to you

You will be my biggest “what if” even though you were supposed to be my “thank goodness we tried”

You will forever be the most beautiful bundle of Awkwardness that has ever entered my life

The mere sight or mention of a boat will leave  a warm feeling inside my tummy as I recall the night we met

When the blanket of winter clouds clear from the night sky I shall look at the stars and wonder where you are, if you are looking up at the sky too, remembering the night that everything clicked

Each night I will curl up on my side, alone, without your fingers entwined in mine, and remember my favourite place, how my face fit into the groove of your shoulder and how the thudding of your heart used to send me off to sleep

I will never forget the heavenly scent of your skin and how the warmth of your arms around me felt like home

I will miss being perched upon the kitchen counter, listening to “regrets”, watching you cook, and witnessing the stresses of life drain from you with each stir

I will replay Stay with me, Magic, Jubel and Wildwood and wonder if you’re listening too or if you’ve began to skip them on your playlist

When spring comes and the leaves start to come through on the Twisted Willow my heart will sink, knowing you and I won’t be sat under her, on a warm night enjoying a bottle of ‘tage

I will search for your blue eyes across a crowded bar

Eventually, I guess the holes in my face shall return, but know that they’ve never been holier than when you were in my life

I guess I will always wonder if you are thinking of me too, but I know that time passes and people move on and that one day pirates will probably attack the vessel that I once adored

As each summer passes nostalgic memories will flood through me, because I think the stories that are never truly lived, where the potential is never really given a chance, are sometimes harder to let go of than the lengthily relationships that ran their course

We never began, our story never got its ending, it’s now just a gaping “what if” etched on my heart.

A piece of me shall always reside with you … I shall always love you. Always.

I will miss the visage maladroit ! More than you will ever begin to understand.

Bahn xxx

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