I think it’s one of lives tragedies when two souls that are meant for each other meet at the wrong time. I can’t seem to decipher the jumbled feelings that are bobbing around in my head and heart and get them onto this blog. I’ve tried all day. I just feel devastated, that I wasn’t enough, that my love couldn’t make “us” work.
After waiting for 18 months to be with the only man that has ever made me feel this alive I can’t quite comprehend why it is so dificault to commit to me. I’m left wandering if I am that awful.
I wanted so desperately to move from the loose arrangement of “seeing each other” to actually being in a relationship, to properly be a part of each other’s lives, to make plans, to enjoy time together with each other’s friends and families, to make exciting plans for the future. But maybe it was too much of an ask too soon?
I don’t have the answers, but I know in my heart that this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. When you have fallen for a person in a way that you haven’t ever experienced before, to have to move on and leave the dream that you have been holding close for such a long time, well, that wasn’t part of my dream.
All he had to do was tell me that he did want to be with me. Sounds so simple, but maybe it has more to do with timing. Unfortunately we aren’t all ready at the same time, however much that hurts.
I guess it is 70% chemistry and 30% timing, but timing, well as we all know, timing can be a bitch.
One thing I have leant is that in this beautiful life we don’t always receive the things we want at the time we desire, but that they will come to us when they are meant to.
It’s so very hard to remember that, when you are so certain that the time is right.
But if something is worth having it will come and the waiting will melt away. It will be worth every impatient moment that you have spent waiting.