The intensity of your love

For those that know me, this next admission will come as no surprise; I believe in love more than anything else. I believe that it is love that keeps this world spinning, I believe that when faced with certain death it will be the opportunities to show and spread love that you missed that will hold your deepest regrets.

For as long as I can remember I have loved everything about love.  I can’t help it. I came from a very loving family, I wasn’t starved of love as a child, it was given freely and in abundance. My parents openly showed affection to each other. They adored one another for many years, and we saw that, every day.

We weren’t perfect as a family, far from it. We didn’t always have the best of everything, but my mother was extremely loving, an emotional soul, and we knew that we were loved and that we were valued. We cared for one another and put each other first. I want that in my relationships.

When I look back over my past relationships there has been so much love. But in some of those relationships I have lead on the love leaderboard and at times I found myself giving more than I ever received and things consequently became extremely unbalanced. For quite some time I didn’t seem to mind, putting the other person first and making them happy was more important. I’ve always been the same.

Over the past few years, when evaluating with friends and family the errors I have made and the lessons that I could take from those mistakes, most of the comments have been that I “love too much”, that I “give too much”, sometimes in return for very little, and consequently I end up hurt.

I’ve tried, I’ve taken that advice on board. I’ve tried to play the game, not text back, to play it cool, to essentially try and be something that I am not, because it’s not the “done” thing these days.

This topic of conversation has reared its head again recently. I’ve started conversations with friends “I know you are going to say I am a melt and perhaps I shouldn’t be …” Or “maybe it’s my fault because of me being such a love addicted ….”.

Until recently I had come to the conclusion that my “meltiness” wasn’t a great trait, that maybe it was too much. I’ve tried to hide it. Even when I’ve been really into that person.

Three days ago a very close friend stopped me in my tracks.

I really think you need to look at this differently. Yes you do want to love and be loved, yes you want the love story, but that is YOU. It is who you are, you shouldn’t be ashamed of it, or try to hide it. For the right person it won’t be too much.

It was like someone had switched a light on. Why hadn’t I had the confidence to see this before? I gather that there are far worse traits to have, to be able to love another more than oneself, to be able to put your wants and needs second to another’s, is that so bad? But I suppose the biggest challenge when you love to love, is to carefully choose who you freely give that love to.

Maybe that is the biggest mistake that us “melts” make, not the amount of love that we give out, but rather not being choosy enough when deciding who is worthy of receiving it.

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