How do you know?

I’ve been pondering over this “love” question for as long as I can remember. Infact, I remember when I was contemplating sending my first Valentines card, and after plucking up the courage I asked my elder cousin how you knew if you loved someone. I was as intrigued back then as I am now, and maybe just as clueless as to what the answer is.

I think it all boils down to each and every one of us being so different, our perceptions, our expectations, our wants and needs. Something that one may regard as the best thing since gluten free bread, another may regard as just plain mediocre.

I think it is something entirely different for every last human on this planet. Or is it? There seem to be studies everywhere on the net telling us exactly how we should feel when in love.

Love is an intense feeling of affection toward another person. It’s a profound and caring attraction that forms emotional attachment.

I do believe that true love takes time to develop and that it is a journey from that initial glance accross a bar.

On the flip side, lust is a strong desire of a sexual nature that is based on physical attraction. Lust can transform into deep romantic love, but it usually takes time.

I have to admit, I do like the lust side of things, and looking at relationships all around me I wonder if those struggling in there love lives let the lust give way to the love too early on, or maybe they didn’t perhaps realise that lust still has a valid part to play, even after love struts in, and totally steals the show?

Apparently there are three very separate stages before we are to be sending friends out to buy hats:- lust, attraction and deep love/attachment.

Attraction – This is the “love-struck” phase. When you spend hours daydreaming about your lover; when you lose sleep or your appetite, you know you’re in this phase. The neurohormones that play an important role in the attraction or infatuation phase are dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. These are the hormones that send our heart racing, and might actually make us feel like we are going insane.

I think we may have all come accross this phase in our lifetime, some more than others maybe. Apparently this phase can last up to several years? I wonder how thin I would be if this were true ? I seem to have been in this phase for the last fourteen months ! There seems to be a trend with each phase though …

When a couple has gotten to know themselves beyond the courting phase and they get to see their partner’s “whole” personality, including their strengths and weaknesses, and still choose to love and accept each other for who they are, a neurohormone of love called oxytocin takes over. This is the commitment hormone. It’s released during orgasm and believed to promote bonding when adults are intimate.

Yep, you may have got the theme or trend ? Hormones, hormones and chemicals ! And to think that there is actually a hormone responsible entirely for commitment ! Do they prescribe this, like some form of HRT I wonder ? (Google search underway)

The following piece actually made my world a little bit happier though.

The theory goes on that the more sex a couple has, the deeper the bond becomes. Socrates was correct when he said “where there is love there is madness.” Romantic love and addiction share similar brain chemistry. Therefore, if you are not interested in a serious committed relationship, Dr. Fisher advises not to casually sleep with someone, because you are likely to bond with the individual with whom you have an orgasm with. Basically we are kidding ourselves when we say we are going to keep it casual. Our brain is wired to bond and connect with a partner with whom we experience pleasure.

So, to anyone else out there trying to work out if this is it, “dum dum di dum” and all that, you need look no further than the below guidelines! You will, by all accounts, know for sure if you can check these bad-boys off !

Possessiveness. When you desire only that one person, you know you are in deep romantic love.

You want to spend quality time together other than sex.

You get lost in conversations and forget about the hours passing.

You want to honestly listen to each other’s feelings and make each other happy.

He or she motivates you to be a better person.

You want to get to meet his or her family and friends.

You can’t stop thinking about that person.

I don’t know about any of you guys, but I reckon this list could be on to something ?

Maybe getting the balance between lust and love on a long term basis is the key to making it last ? I like lust too much to give in totally !


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