The End

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So, sadly we are here, the last post in the story of us,
I hear that you’ve gone now, vanished into dust.

Not so much as a goodbye, breaks my heart in two,
But after “stay out of my life” – what more could I expect from you?

The story of us, our playlist blasting from every speaker on repeat,
A flash show of images, running through watery eyes, the memories sweet.

Stargazing, Boats, Wildwood, kitchen dancing, wishing you were here,
Chance to hold you and say goodbye now gone, this was my biggest fear.

A golden opportunity, I agreed, a chance to travel, something just for you,
A chance to create your own happiness, in my heart I guess I always knew.

New people, yeah, they will come and they will go – of this I am sure,
But I wish I could be as certain of my ability to close our door.

You see there will always be a warm place for you, safe in my heart,
Alongside the mountain of heartfelt memories, I revisit often, now we are apart.

You taught me, you impacted me and changed me beyond belief,
The night you picked me up, you never knew, but you erased all of my grief.

The belief in Our Click so strong – and the magic that we once were,
Seems now a lifetime away, The Good Bits have whizzed past us in a blur.

I have never felt such love, love that consumed me and blew my world apart,
A love that broke me, changed me and challenged everything within me and my heart.

You were the other part of me, a puzzle piece mislaid, somewhere along the way,
But then located, slotted into place, completing me,  how I longed for you to stay.

But some sadly can’t journey with us, forever, although I agree it’d be nice,
Some we have to wrap up, pop safely in our hearts, alongside the John West and Five Spice.

Another lifetime, god, how this chokes me, eyes stinging, gulping down tears,
Inside a million memories, dreams and missed opportunities, my mascara now smears.

Another Lifetime with you I didn’t want – right now would have done,
But the biggest lesson I have learnt so far, you win some – you loose some.

So now as I wave my forever person goodbye – I’m wishing bundles of love and of luck,
And with sadness “The Story of the Meltylovestuff” into the FuckItBucket, I will chuck.

Another Lifetime Awks x

 

 

Hidden in the backseat of my mind

car-731273_1920You’ve been rolling around on the backseat of my mind and over time you got wedged down a seat, lost for the time being. I kept journeying in my car, singing new tunes, frantically wiping my misted glasses so I could see clearly the new view around me. A new view that was appreciated more than you will ever realise, new surroundings for my senses to get lost in – and for a short space in time, in the blink of an eye you were gone. Colours slowly returned – the shade of my red lipstick had grown deeper, the scent of my favourite perfume stronger. I lost you in my new surroundings, you faded into the backseat of my mind, still there, but wedged tightly between the seats of new beginnings.

Occasionally I’d put my hand between the seats, I’d find you there, safely locked into place, wedged in the backseat of my mind. I used to worry that I’d lose you, that one day you’d be gone forever.  My treasure, lost in a backseat of memories. But I soon realised that you were safe, in the backseat of my mind, snug between the seats and I could go and fetch you whenever I needed to feel your presence.

I could retrieve the memories of you from the backseat of my mind when my heart was breaking in two – I could imagine what you would say – how you would wipe those tears tenderly and how you would reassure me, when my strength was hiding, how you would gently probe me to learn more about me, how you would encourage me to become the best version of me, with my glossy red lips and delicate heels as I would strut confidently into the next situation. I could retrieve you from the backseat of my mind in moments of joy, hoping you would smile with me, gaining strength from the faith you once had in my abilities.

I could retrieve the love of the loved from the backseat of my mind, I could realise my dreams and I could live them, with you whispering words of encouragement from the backseat of my mind.

And one day I would bravely step out of my car, leaving you in the backseat of my mind, I could take your lessons and the love of the loved and I would strut out into the world alone, knowing that once upon a time I had the love of the loved – and that alone is enough.

Love after Love

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It will happen – when you least expect it – stop looking for it!

We’ve no doubt heard those words uttered to us before, from well-meaning friends, colleagues and relatives alike. Usually when we have hit rock bottom, in the aftermath of “The End” of something we thought was forever. Continue reading “Love after Love”

Love Junkie

loveI’ve attempted to write about other topics over the years, but to be totally honest with you – I just don’t have the heart for them, nothing gets me franticly bashing the keys of my laptop like Love does. I guess it’s because for me this Love search goes on, still, even at the age of 34. I think it’s safe to say that I’m a Love Junkie. Continue reading “Love Junkie”

Gratitude

Thank you for arguing with me. You taught me that sometimes in an argument less is more. Several times you managed to push me to my breaking point, and with scalding hot tears streaming down my cheeks you showed me that it’s those closest to you that will undoubtedly cause you the most agonising pain. Continue reading “Gratitude”

Forever

You were my forever person. A soul so deeply entwined with mine that I could never escape

People wait a whole lifetime to feel the magic that I felt as I lay on your chest at night.

You were my intrigue, I yearned to see and do new things because of your tales. Continue reading “Forever”

9th December – This girl’s shazzling some shizzle !

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Today was a very good day – very good indeed.

I have at long last eradicated the little bug of procrastination from my world, from my dreams, from every area of my life. Its amazing what a Bullet Journal, new focus and a few new friends can do to a girl!

Your Office Genie – My office management consultancy, is at long last off of the ground!  Continue reading “9th December – This girl’s shazzling some shizzle !”

Angels in time

“One day you meet someone and for some inexplicable reason, you feel more connected to this stranger than anyone else–closer to them than your closest family. Perhaps this person carries within them an angel–one sent to you for some higher purpose; to teach you an important lesson or to keep you safe during a perilous time. What you must do is trust in them–even if they come hand in hand with pain or suffering–the reason for their presence will become clear in due time.”

Though here is a word of warning–you may grow to love this person but remember they are not yours to keep. Their purpose isn’t to save you but to show you how to save yourself. And once this is fulfilled; the halo lifts and the angel leaves their body as the person exits your life. They will be a stranger to you once more. ― Lang Leav, Love & Misadventure

You’ll know when you know

That famous little saying, as with all matters of the heart, “you’ll know when you know”.

I didn’t know at first, it was an age thing I think, those boyish good looks, I had you down as 25, that’s not my style. But under that tree a week later, yeah, I knew alright. I was surer than the morning of my wedding. Continue reading “You’ll know when you know”

30th November 2016 – An end to the worry?

6 weeks ago – surgery to remove my kidney was 6 weeks ago. I’ve recovered more rapidly then I had ever anticipated. I know that I am extremely young to have such an operation, and most of the stats will be broadly based on those in their 50’s and upwards, but nonetheless I have been pleasantly surprised at how I have smashed through their recovery rate stats and at how well I am doing ! Continue reading “30th November 2016 – An end to the worry?”